


Burdens Shared

by omphale23



Category: Charlotte Bronte - Jane Eyre
Genre: F/F, Yuletide, challenge:Yuletide 2006
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-14
Updated: 2010-03-14
Packaged: 2017-10-07 23:56:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/70572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/omphale23/pseuds/omphale23
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was my promotion from student to teacher that seemed to mark a change in Maria Temple.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Burdens Shared

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sphinxvictorian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sphinxvictorian/gifts).



> Thanks to my betas, and to elynross for running all this madness!

It was my promotion from student to teacher that seemed to mark a change in Maria Temple. Prior to that event, as a student and nothing more, she was known to me as Miss Temple. No matter what my feelings might be, she remained, always, the serene woman who first welcomed me, the superintendent of and confessor for many of my childish hopes.

 

She seemed to see in me some worth, some fire that, if it did not quite replace Helen Burns in her affections, perhaps provided its own light. In turn, I found in Miss Temple a willing idol, a source of comfort and of inspiration, a person in whom my own treasured aspirations of goodness and calm were realized. If I never seemed to comprehend Helen's references to the will of an almighty deity, no matter how many times I found myself given the task of conveying Miss Temple's prayer book to out weekly devotions, I at least found the wherewithal to follow her wisdom in taking to heart the teachings and example of Miss Temple.

 

For six years, we carried on in this way, Miss Temple and I. And when, having reached the pinnacle of my school years, I found myself unable or unwilling to seek a position elsewhere-and how much of that reluctance was attributable to her continued presence, I cannot say-Maria Temple provided me with another gift. She offered, with the permission of the board, a situation suitable to my own talents and abilities, that of teacher to the youngest girls, introducing them to the skills that I myself had learned years before.

 

That this proved a boon to the school as well, I do not doubt, for my own services were offered freely, with much less in the way of salary and privileges, than a similarly qualified instructor from elsewhere. I doubt, however, that such considerations were part of her decision. I am convinced that Miss Temple acted out of her fondness for me, and her desire to see me happy, and provided for, and perhaps some wish on her own part to continue to enjoy my company.

 

I was eager to begin my task, both for the challenges it presented and for the opportunity to remain, as I thought, within my familiar boundaries and experiences. I remained eager, even as it became clear that my youth, and my recent promotion from the ranks of tutored to that exalted realms of instructor, would serve me ill. It was Maria who insisted, first, that I refer to her as an equal-in those conversations to which students were not privy-and second, that I treat her as a friend, a confidant, and a source of comfort when my patience was sorely tried by the high spirits and resentment of my charges.

 

We quickly grew close, and became companions in the truest sense of the word, sharing our troubles and by such communion reducing them. I found myself often in her room, and as I neared the end of my second year as a teacher, discovered finally something that was the key, as I saw it, to Maria's stoicism as well as her underlying resignation.

 

Knocking on her door one evening, long after the hour that had been appointed for the inhabitants of Lowood to retire, I was greeted by her familiar voice.

 

"Come in, Jane," she called softly, and I wasted no time in acceding to her request. She had already retired, and I moved swiftly to accept the invitation of lifted covers and join her. The fires were banked, and I was unwilling to inconvenience either of us by insisting upon a fireside conversation. We often lay like this, heads close together on the pillow, revisiting the events of the day and making our plans for the next, in the manner of the schoolgirl I had so recently been.

 

This night, however, I sensed a sadness in her that was unfamiliar. Wondering whether I saw her own feelings, or merely my own reflected in her visage, I questioned softly, "What is it that troubles you?"

 

Maria sighed, replying, "Nothing, my dear. I find sometimes that my responsibilities weigh rather heavily upon me."

 

Having no real notion of responsibilities, especially those that must come with the maintenance of such a complicated enterprise as the school, I offered what comfort I could, in the form of a kiss and my arms wrapped around her in support. I encouraged her to continue.

 

"My calling does not burden me, Jane. But the necessities of running a charitable endeavor are often beyond my understanding."

 

I surmised that, as often happened, she had been thwarted in some proposed improvement by those hearty gentlemen who now controlled the purse-strings of Lowood. In this case, I suspected the difficulties arose in connection with my own classes, for whom I sought additional recreation in the form of unsupervised play. Such experiences had greatly eased my own adaptation to my environment, and I believed they might also benefit my pupils.

 

Maria interrupted my musings, saying, "It is not your fault, dear. I agree that the plan is a good one, however, I seem unable to convince those who determine the curriculum that exercise and fresh air are required for the proper development of girls. The fault is my own."

 

Unable, despite my own efforts, to curb my tongue, I retorted, "It is nothing of the sort! It is the fault of the board, of those men who know nothing of your efforts, your abilities, and your dedication to the school."

 

Maria denied my claims, insisting that the fault was her own, and musing quietly that she wished at such times for the opportunity to establish her own institution, one which relied not on the guidance of benefactors but that of the parents of the children admitted to it, an on the educated decisions of those who lived and taught within its gates.

 

I found myself greatly disturbed, faced with what I felt to be an unbearable threat to my own serenity. I argued with her, becoming quite obdurate in my insistence that, should she find herself once again prevented from following her own preferences, I would go before the board and insist on her abilities. I tearfully claimed the right to follow her anywhere, should she choose to seek a better position than her current one.

 

She smiled at my outburst, returning my earlier kiss and seeking to calm me through her own good example. I set my jaw, refusing to be convinced. She continued, offering me comforting caresses and the gentle press of her lips.

 

Surely the fault lay with those who absented themselves, seeking to control their charges through discipline and good works. It could not be that of my own beacon, who led by her graceful presence and considered judgment. I wished, perhaps spitefully, that those who denied her requests should be required to attend upon our efforts, seeing for themselves the joy and inspiration our students took from their proximity to my dear Maria.

 

Such an event, I reasoned, would provide understanding, the leeway in which to make her own decisions, and by doing so ensure Maria's continued presence. I resolved never to seek for myself a position elsewhere, so long as she remained my companion at Lowood. My decision made, I settled quickly into sleep, waking only with the arrival of breakfast and the commencement of our daily schedule.

 

That afternoon, the Reverend Nasmyth arrived to investigate the running of the school, with the intention of establishing a similar endeavor within his parish.

 

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